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Coronavirus: How Covid has changed the ‘big fat Indian wedding’. India’s richest family caps year of big fat weddings. A new Netflix show, Indian Matchmaking, has created a huge buzz in India, but many can’t seem to agree if it is regressive and cringe-worthy or honest and realistic, writes the BBC’s Geeta Pandey in Delhi. The eight-part docuseries features elite Indian matchmaker Sima Taparia as she goes about trying to find suitable matches for her wealthy clients in India and the US.
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Five years ago, I met with a matchmaker. I went in scornful. Like many of my progressive South Asian peers, I denounced arranged marriage as offensive and regressive. But when the matchmaker recited her lengthy questionnaire, I grasped, if just for a beat, why people did things this way. Do you believe in a higher power?
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All the emotions of that time came rushing back while she watched Netflix’s newest ‘dating show’: Indian Matchmaking. The reality show about a high-flying Indian matchmaker named Sima Taparia has spawned thousands of articles, social media takes, critiques and memes. More importantly, it’s inspired real-life conversations about what it means to be a young South Asian person trying to navigate marriage, love — and yes, parental expectations.
Many young South Asian Australians told ABC Life they’ve seen aspects of their real lives being played out in the show, but that of course, one reality program could never capture the myriad experiences of people across many communities, language groups, religions, genders, sexualities, traditions and castes of the subcontinental region. Some have given up on the tradition by choosing a partner through Western dating, while others have modernised it and made it work for them.
A common thread among all was the question: “How do I keep my parents happy while also doing what I need for myself? For Manimekalai, the force of tradition and expectation from her family to agree to the marriage was strong. The first time her parents started approaching their extended family and friend networks to find a prospective groom, they didn’t even inform her.
Surprise, we got you a husband! Then Manimekalai and her dad went to meet a prospective guy overseas. Even though there were many signs she shouldn’t proceed, both parties had so much pride invested in the marriage being a success that she agreed to it. Melbourne-based policy adviser Priya Serrao is 28 and currently dating a non-Indian man. She says her parents have slowly come around to trusting her to make a choice that’s right for her.
There’s an expectation to be married soon after that.
Why the process of ‘Indian Matchmaking’ crushed my confidence
We wanted to bring a fresh alternative to countless forms, contracts and hours of consultations. Matchmakers claiming they had thousands of daters, but none explaining from where. While other Matchmakers are forced to find your match at bars, the mall or other unsavory locations, we meet a fantastic set of new singles every week from our events alone, allowing us the opportunity to choose for you the best out of an already great crowd.
We we also garner extremely busy Matchmaking daters who find our services an efficient dating indulgence. Sought after for the level of dater we attract, the personal service we offer and an unparalleled selection of the daters you want to meet. We’re honored to find that special someone just for you.
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Katz said she had gotten calls from parents as far away as the Hamptons. This is LA. But it has also raised questions about whether these kinds of arrangements exacerbate longstanding patterns of segregation and inequity in education. Families, not all of them wealthy, have always looked for solutions outside of the traditional school system. Homeschooling, for example, allows parents to legally operate outside of the public education system.
But in contrast to a school district that must provide services to all students, resources like private tutors are most easily accessible to those who can pay. And the ways families select others to join their pod — which come down to similar neighborhoods, incomes or ability levels — has the potential to reinforce existing inequalities, said Robin Lake, the director of the Center on Reinventing Public Education.
That kind of segregation already exists in our school system. Schools are profoundly stratified by race and income, with higher-income school districts commanding bigger budgets for education programs per student, and affluent parents effectively able to buy into exclusive schools by owning houses in expensive areas.